My morning routine was the same as every other morning; crawling over my husband’s sleeping form, getting out of bed, going to the bathroom. That morning I decided to open the bedroom door and go to the kitchen. There we were face to face. I, with bed head, in t-shirt and underwear, wearing what I am sure was a shocked look upon my face. Across from me a cute young girl coming from my son’s bedroom. She wore a t-shirt, sweatpants and a saucy grin. She gave me an innocent “Oh Hi!” before turning into the main bathroom and closing the door behind her.
Yes, that was that was how I met my soon to be daughter-in-law Casey. What followed were interesting journeys filled with incidents taking our family into uncharted territory. With two, headstrong, stubborn, females battling for supremacy, my son ended up playing referee most of the time.
Out of these galactic explosions came a brilliant star. Brendan was born to Daniel and Casey in July of 2008.
Life seemed better. Brendan was beautiful, perfect in every way. I made an effort to get along with my daughter-in-law. Progress was being made.
Brendan made all the difference in the world. Casey seemed to grow up over night. She was young when she gave birth, just 19yrs old. Motherhood agreed with her. Loving and kind, she nurtured my grandson with expert care. Was this a child having a child? Yes, definitely. There was a difference here – this particular child had spunk. Casey showed everyone she could handle it.
I haven’t mentioned the fact that Casey had certain medical conditions making it hard for her to live a normal life. It influenced her, overwhelmed her, and consumed her at times. She had to deal with chronic daily pain and excruciating migraines. Even now I wonder how she made it through most days. To her, having a baby was more important, more fulfilling than the pain.
Then tragedy struck.
It doesn’t matter how much time goes buy, the memories will never fade. That day will remain etched in my brain forever.
The phone rings, the paramedic on the other end is telling me my daughter-in-law is dead. I need to come to their apartment to be with my son. I keep repeating “what” into the phone in disbelief. The paramedic is patient. He repeats himself and asks me if I have the baby. I answer yes. He asks me to come as quickly as possible, that my son needs me now. I ask for details. He doesn’t want to say much. He tells me that Casey was found dead at 2:00pm by my son who had come home from work to check in on her……..
Casey had called me the night before because she did not feel good. She had traveled to Austin, TX to visit a friend. The friend’s husband was a border patrol agent. Casey and Brendan had just returned through the Austin airport back to Florida a couple of days before. She spiked a fever. Daniel took her to the local hospital. They sent her home after x-rays that showed pneumonia, telling her to see her PCP. Casey asked me to watch the baby so she could get some sleep.
She dropped off the baby. She walked out my front door, smiled at me and said good-by. It was the last time I saw her alive.
The final report was vague. A mixture of ailments took her from us, complications from pneumonia, possible swine flu, and other things. Brendan was only ten months old. I remember rushing over to their apartment with the baby. I was so upset, could barely drive. The nightmare unfolded before me as I ran up the stairs and into their apartment. These things happened to other people, not to me, not to my family, my son, my grandson.
When they wheeled Casey away, I didn’t want to leave her. All I could think of was I hadn’t been there for her when she needed me before, and now no one was going to be with her again. That thought will never, ever leave me.
Telling people this, sharing this with others, it may save you from committing the same mistake I did with my daughter-in-law. Relationships take work. Both people have to try. If you just give up, you may never get the chance to try again. Life throws you curve balls, some you never expect. This one really sucked. The pain was excruciating. Brendan will only remember how beautiful his mother was in pictures.
Casey, we will remember you as beautiful, inside and out.
I dedicate this opening blog to you, and only you. Without you, without your short lifetime within our family, we would not have been given one of our greatest treasures, that of our grandson, Brendan.
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The following blogs I will post will be about raising Brendan. Mid fifties is not the ideal age to be bringing up little ones again. The trials and tribulations should be fun.
We will explore them together. I hope that you will laugh, find a common ground or just sit back and enjoy my “escapades”. Hey, at least you can take comfort in the fact that a toddler is not at your house!
